Tag Archives: Asda

Fun with ASDA

I ordered a red rose and a Valentine card from ASDA. They were in stock when I ordered last night. Now they are out of stock. I am in trouble. Could they not at least have substituted the card for another?

I ordered parsnips – they are sending diced carrot/swede. You can’t roast them quite the same and swede is a very different thing to parsnips.

I ordered Lemon Cheesecake, they are sending ES Pudding. I don’t even know what that is.

I ordered Stilton, they are sending St Agur. One is made within 30 miles of here, the other is made in France. One is the King of Cheeses, the other is French. I think you get my drift.

I ordered bake at home baguettes, they are sending sandwich thins. In other terms that is like ordering a shark and getting a goldfish. same family but completely different. I still haven’t forgiven them for sending gluten free baguettes last time. That’s like ordering bread and getting cotton wool. Exactly like ordering bread and getting cotton wool.

I ordered ASDA Indian tonic Water. They are sending ASDA Soda Water. They could send somebody else’s tonic water but that would cost them money. So they send me something I don’t want. I would rather pay extra for something I want, rather than be foisted off with something I don’t.

I ordered Jam Doughnuts. They are sending Custard Doughnuts. Custard? Are they mad. Apart from the fact they look like a bursting boil, does anyone over the age of six actually eat them?

The only acceptable substitution is the pasties and I’m not convinced about that.

I would love  a return to those carefree pre-Covid days when all you needed to do to get a week’s shopping was to walk round a shop with a trolley, brushing up against fellow shoppers and greeting neighbours as you walked down the aisles.

I decided to use the photo with the sunset that looks like the end of the world. If you can’t get Stilton Cheese it might as well be the apocalypse.


Tree Gibraltar Point, Lincolnshire - dramatic setting

A Dreadful Wednesday

First, I had problems with my ASDA on-line order. Noticing they were advertising delivery slots for Christmas week I followed the link and booked the last available slot for Christmas week – Monday at 10pm. It’s not great, and it’s expensive at £6, but it’s better than spreading virus.

Unfortunately, instead of setting up a new delivery I moved today’s delivery to Christmas week. That cancelled today’s delivery, so I rang Customer Services to see if they could reinstate it. It seems they can’t. Or, they probably can, but they won’t. Their advice – to book another slot. Unfortunately the nearest one is three days away, which isn’t very useful as it will impact on next week’s shopping. Easier to work out of the stock cupboard and miss a week.

This is the second time I’ve messed up ion the ASDA site, but so far I haven’t had the same problem on TESCO’s site or eBay or Amazon. It’s just possible that ASDA’s site design needs tweaking to allow for customer stupidity. Everyone else does. I may give an order to TESCO and cancel the ASDA one nearer Christmas, as TESCO has things I prefer and because ASDA must suffer for poor service.

Second, I had more shredder woes. I have, however, managed to sort most of that out. Due to limited space I’ve been using a book as a mouse mat, and putting it on top of the shredder, which is in a good position for it. (Top Birding Spots in Britain and Ireland by David Tipling, in case you are interested). I noted thast the orange “full” light comes on when the book is placed in acertain position, stopping the shredder. I think the book may be activating the automatic cut-off, suggesting that the sensor is badly set. Ah well, at least I know now, and will remove the book fully before starting to shred.

Finally, just before midnight, the computer ground to a halt. It took over two hours to restore it to something like working order, though it’s still a bit slow and it now makes a different noise. It looks like time for decisive action. I’m hoping it lasts long enough for me to order a new computer on-line.

Not a very productive day in the end, though I did get a few things done.

Today I am hoping to produce a writer biography, shave my head and do the washing up. They are small ambitions, but it’s a start. I may delay the head shaving until I feel my luck has changed, otherwise I may remove an ear. I don’t mind having one ear, but it will make it tricky to wear glasses and masks, so it’s better to have two.

I will alter my plans to – produce a writer biography, do the washing up, order a new computer.


I had a food delivery from ASDA today. It was a lot better than the last internet order from ASDA, and the driver was a source of much information. He told us, for instance, that during the height of the panic-buying people were buying so much food that on one delivery run he was only able to fit three deliveries on the van. No wonder they ran out of both food and capacity.

For a while I started to feel sympathy for ASDA. Then I began to unpack the order and look at the substitutions.

I had ordered two packs of bake at home baguettes. I did this because I want to finish off the baking at home and be able to have fresh bread in a week’s time. It’s nine days until the next delivery.

I didn’t get that. They substituted ready-cut white bread rolls, the sort we call burger buns in the UK. They are never good quality bread. And, being cut, they are already well on the way to being stale by the time you get them. Poor quality, stale, soft, cotton wool and unappetising. We have limited freezer space and though we have frozen one pack we will have to eat the other as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, eating them will delay the eating of the sliced loaf we also ordered, and that will start to go stale, or even mouldy, before we finish it.

There is nothing like a nice, crusty, warm baguette. And, as we say in the UK, the substitute buns are nothing like a nice, crusty, warm baguette.

Who thinks a pack of burger buns are an acceptable substitute for a nice crusty baguette?

If they were out of vinegar would they send me battery acid as a substitute. They are, after all, both acids, but they have very different effects when sprinkled on chips.

I also ordered a couple of Sicilian Lemon tarts as a treat for dessert one night. They sent profiteroles. I like profiteroles, and if I wanted them I’m quite capable of ordering them. But I wanted the sharpness of Sicilian Lemon tarts, even though I doubt that the lemons have ever seen Sicily. We had the profiteroles tonight – they were short of chocolate and cream. I don’t know about you, but I don’t buy them because of the choux pastry, I want chocolate and cream. Or, to be accurate, I want Sicilian Lemon Tart.

Better than the bread substitution but not ideal.

Then there was the coriander. I wanted fresh coriander leaves for some recipes I’m going to try. So I ordered fresh coriander leaves with soil so that they would sit in a pot and last a week or two. I thought I was getting a pot too, but they have stopped doing that so they save plastic.

What did they send?

Did they send cut coriander, which would give you the flavour without the longevity? No.

Did they send Ground Coriander or Coriander seeds from the spice section? No.

They sent me flat leaf parsley. As I had already ordered some, I now have two lots of flat leaf parsley.

So, no coriander, and a double helping of parsley. If I’d wanted two, I would have ordered two.

I really should stop believing them when they say they have things in stock, and I should start saying that I don’t want substitutions. Then, of course, I would end up with no bread and no pudding.

To be fair, I should say that they did substitute a couple of things which were more expensive than the items I’d ordered, and didn’t charge me extra. But I’m not feeling very fair after the bread substitution, or last week.



ASDA Disaster!

As I said yesterday, I spent a lot of time amending my ASDA Click & Collect order. I added my payment details and ensured I had the conformation email. Everything was, as the Americans say, copacetic. Actually, from what I see on WordPress, they don’t say it. But they could do. It’s one word I wouldn’t mind them importing into English.

Things took a distinct turn for the worst when we arrived. At ASDA you park up then use their app to tell them you have arrived. A what? I don’t do apps. I did it the old-fashioned way, catching the eye of a staff member and asking for help.

As they brought the shopping across I felt a deep depression settle on me.

My order was  for over £60, including things for the stock cupboard and a few bits for neighbours. What was coming to us across the car park was a small box with just over a dozen items, including some that I’d cancelled the night before.

They had clearly not processed the new order. They had sent me an email to tell me that the order had been amended and I had, foolishly, not checked the rest of the email, which detailed the order. When I returned home and checked, the “amended order” was not, in fact, amended. It was just the old order repeated.

I won’t bore you with too much detail.

The man on the helpline (after I had spoken to three other people, including an idiot) told me it was obviously a “technical matter”, that there was no way for him to provide me with the food I had ordered and that “there’s nothing I can do,”

I will remember this in future.

In fact I will remember it in two weeks. I have another Click and Collect order with ASDA in two weeks, but I’ve also managed to get a TESCO delivery slot two days after that. It’s very tempting to cancel the ASDA order. I don’t like doing it, as I am a man of my word. On the other hand they let me down badly today and refused to make things right.

Fortunately I’ve managed to arrange things over the last month so that we have enough food to last us until the next delivery. It means we are out of mustard, short on marmalade, and low on cheese, but have plenty of toilet roll, pasta and longlife milk.

However, I’ve just been watching the news from Brazil. Their President makes Boris Johnson look like a statesman, and President Trump is an intellectual giant in comparison. In terms of counting our blessings, let’s just reflect that it could be a lot worse.

It was an an unpleasant, cold, grey day today, though it’s supposed to improve tomorrow.

And that concludes the miserable, moaning diary entry for today. I thought I’d use some rainbow photos as they are a symbol of the lockdown.

abstract abstract expressionism abstract painting acrylic paint

Photo by Steve Johnson on Pexels.com



Ned Ludd’s Disciple

When a man of a certain age (convinced that instruction manuals are for wimps and you can mend things by hitting them) meets a delicate piece of technology the results are rarely good. Card readers, unfortunately, tend to be delicate. One of mine actually fell apart because I looked at it sternly.

In the latest incident of Luddism yet another card reader has bitten the dust. It was a good one too, but it was plugged into the side of the laptop as I turned in my chair and caught it on the arm. Result: the two pieces of the plastic shell clattered to the floor and the remaining bits, still plugged into a USB port, sat there, bent and useless.

The red light still works. It’s a hopeful sign, but that’s not really the number one useful feature of a card reader.

I’ve had to face facts and admit I have to buy another. I don’t buy them off the internet after the last one (the one that fell apart after the stern look) so I have to arrange a trip to ASDA, which is the only local shop to stock them.

In the 21st century you’d think there was a better solution, but the built-in card reader in my laptop is currently refusing to work. It does that periodically. I’d like to think they would last as long as the laptop but they don’t. Julia’s doesn’t work reliably either.

It’s frustrating when you can’t move photos from camera to laptop.

After a trip to ASDA I now have a working card reader again. I nearly had breakfast while I was there, which would have been bad in a number of ways, as they are both fattening and poor quality. Fortunately the service was so bad that I had plenty of time to rethink my decision whilst waiting, and eventually decided that it wasn’t worth waiting any longer for a second class breakfast. I was thinking of writing to complain, but it seems wrong to complain that they saved me from a plate of greasy calories.

The photos are from the garden. They don’t really relate to the post, but it’s just nice to have some photos. The morning was warm in the sun and cold in the shade, but a Red Admiral flew past and settled in the sun for a while.

It’s a bit random, but I thought it would be nice to get a few pictures in. Next post will cover my trip to the Men in Sheds.


How does weather affect your mood?

The title is another from the random subject generator. It’s not quite random because I refused the first one – “Describe an Ornament”. We have a house full of clutter and I don’t want to remind myself of it by describing one particular piece.

So, how does the weather affect my mood? Obviously I feel good when the weather is good and less good when the weather is bad. That was an easy one.

I’m rapidly losing faith in the random subject generator.

Here is a selection of messages written on tiles in the Mencap garden.

I’ll be able to return to posts with more pictures tomorrow because I’ve bought a new card reader from ASDA. I nearly had breakfast while I was there, despite the memory of it being  fairly rank last time I had it. The service was so slow my knee gave way while I was standing in the slow-moving, and slightly mutinous, queue so I left. This was, I’m pretty sure, a blessing in disguise.

I finally had breakfast in the square at Newark – two Lincolnshire sausages in a bun with fried onions and brown sauce. It was very tasty, and much better than ASDA. The resulting mess demonstrated my wisdom in selecting shirts in food-coloured check patterns. After scraping up the spilt onions you could hardly see the mark.



Drizzling, Mizzling and Grizzling

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Eskimoes have 50 words for snow. There’s quite a lot of debate on this subject but you have to start somewhere. The FT did a list of 5 of the best English words for rain. The Scots seem to have a lot of words for it too. They don’t seem to use siling down or mizzling. They appear on a list of Lincolnshire words, though we use them in Nottingham too.

Yesterday, it drizzled. That’s just rain that really can’t be bothered.It’s definitely rain, but lacks enthusiasm, and comes without mist, wind, cold or misery.

We went to Spalding yesterday, more because we had a day off than because we wanted to drive through the Fens in the rain. Destination was Springfields designer outlet. The bookshop has closed. Along with other closures it now only has one shop, a craft shop, that we want. I say “we”…

I took pictures of a duck marshalling three ducklings through the centre. Unfortunately I hadn’t, at that time, discovered the zoom on the telephone’s camera. I then took pictures of ducks doing other duck things. Once I’ve set the phone up to do email I will put the results on the blog. Don’t expect too much.

Today, it mizzled .That, according to my personal grading system, is rain that lacks conviction and comes with a side order of mist. It’s similar to the “soft day” of the Irish, but lacks the grim edge of the Scottish “dreich” day.

Today I dropped Julia off at work then went to ASDA to eat the worst breakfast I’ve ever had. This wasn’t actually the plan, but it was what happened. Not only did I endure leathery bacon, dry sausages and unpleasant beans, but I didn’t really enjoy the hash browns or the eggs. The tinned tomatoes were adequate, but they are hard to mess up. Only the mushrooms were good.

A group of three builders was eating breakfast too. I don’t think they were impressed either as one of them shouted across to the server as he chipped away at his food.

“Oi, love, have you been keeping this warm from last week?”

She didn’t answer. This wasn’t unexpected as charm and humour had been noticeably absent from the serving process.

From there it was but a short trip to Newark. Thursday is flea market day and time to catch up on the news. Unfortunately I can’t repeat any of the gossip as the trade talk is dull, as is the grizzling about the good old days, and the interesting stuff is almost certainly slanderous.

I took some pictures from the car park, using the camer’s settings to brighten them.  I would have taken more, but I’d rather wait for a nice sunny day. It is, as you can see, quite an interesting town.


Raffles and old friends

Mix of work today, I’ve hoed the beds, mooched tea and biscuits from the yoga group and visted two companies who are giving us raffle and tombola prizes.

This last can be quite hectic as these days they all seem to want photo ID before you can pick things up. For a man with no passport and an old style driving licence this can be quite a strain. Fortunately Julia has a passport. I had one once, but after my last trip abroad, which featured being caught in a riot, threatened with arrest and sitting in a car when the door fell off…

Well, you can see why I decided not to go abroad again.

Newark was great in the sunshine and I got to catch up with an old mate. We’ve known each other a long time – I didn’t have kids in those days and he didn’t have a bypass. Would have liked to have made time for the English Civil War Centre but there wasn’t time today.


Newark in sunshine

Before closing I’d just like to say thanks to Boots, Morrisons, Asda and Wilkinsons for their support with raffle and tombola prizes for Open Farm Sunday. After a number of refusals and a few people who didn’t even reply it’s nice to know that some people will still support small local events.