Using the trouser test, I am quite mobile today. This has been the case for the last few days, though the situation does deteriorate towards the evening. That was why I resorted to heavyweight pain killers and ended up writing about constipation. I learned a couple of valuable lessons there – one being to read the information leaflets that come in pill packets and the other to resist the lure of self-medication. I’ve previously used co-codamol to take the edge of my arthritis but only one or two doses and day and usually just for the one day. The pills I used last week have been on the shelf for around eighteen months. That’s how little I use them.
When I picked them up last week I actually smiled and felt a feeling of relief.That’s how bad things were – worse than arthritis. It set a small alarm bell ringing, as I know someone who became addicted to them, and I wasn’t sure my reaction was 100% healthy. I took them on two successive evenings and each time took a couple of extras, just to make sure I would be able to sleep. Not particularly sensible, but not wildly irresponsible either. On the third night I took paracetamol and the next night didn’t need anything. However, regular readers will already know about the side-effects.
I just looked up a list of people who died on the toilet, expecting to find quite a few – Elvis and George II being two I already knew about, but the internet is surprisingly silent on the subject. Toilet-based fatalities seem mainly based around political assassinations in mediaeval toilets, which allowed access for spears, and modern drug takers.
There is one ironic case – a convicted murderer in the USA was spared the electric chair but, a little later, decided to repair his television whilst sitting on a metal toilet. There are so many questions in my mind regarding this, but let’s just say it didn’t end well for him.
You may also want to look up this link – a disaster that befell the Holy Roman Empire in 1184 but seems to have missed all the history books I have ever read. I cannot think why.
Finally, thank you for your enquiries and good wishes – I am mostly recovered. Physically I feel fine, mentally I am restored – I just need my mobility. The main mobility problem is that the NHS seem unable to bandage a leg without doing the foot and ankle. This means I can’t get a shoe on and I can’t drive. I’ve had this argument with them before. They don’t want me to recover, they just want to bandage me like a diagram from a 1920s textbook.