The blog has become boring. This is, unfortunately, a case of art mirroring life, as my life is also very boring at the moment. I don’t want to die, so I’m staying inside. And because I’m staying inside I’m not out looking at birds and trees and burgers. Or, of course, improving my mind in a museum.
As I said to Dame Judi Dench when she popped round for tea and cakes yesterday afternoon, something has got to change. By the way, if you ever have her round for tea, watch the Battenburg. She has what used to be called a healthy appetite and she’d had three slices before I’d finished pouring the tea (we were using the Crown Derby because we had company). I was lucky I wasn’t just left with crumbs. I suppose with the entertainment industry being shut down she’s feeling the pinch and has to eat when she can. Thinking back, perhaps we should have had sandwiches too, and offered a doggy bag.
It could have been worse, I mean, I wouldn’t want to get between Timothy West and his dinner. I’ve seen some of the things they eat on Great Canal Journeys (though I’m not sure the Rochdale Canal really qualifies) and they seem to eat well. I’ve been to a rugby league match at Rochdale when Nottingham Outlaws were in the cup, and played in a dismal cement enclosure. We ended up with a punctured ball when it hit the perimeter fence and spike went through the ball.
I recounted this to Dame Judi, but it seems she doesn’t follow Rugby League. Probably not enough Battenberg involved.
Next time I’m going to invite Dame Maggie Smith. She’s quite thin and I can’t see the Battenberg being in much danger from her.
Anyway, that’s the first post from my new and interesting life. Not sure how I’m going to cap that as the letter from Kylie Minogue’s lawyers was quite definite about the 200 metre rule, which will make the tea drinking almost impossible. On the other hand it will keep the Battenberg safe. Swings and Roundabouts…
(Note: No, none of it is true. It’s just the lockdown talking. I’m sure Dame Judi has impeccable etiquette when it comes to eating cake.)