Links in case you missed the first and second posts.
I’m watching Family Fortunes. It’s comforting to know that although many species are threatened by extinction we still have a thriving population of idiots. If we could work out a way to generate electricity from them we would be in a really good position to stop depleting the world’s resources. Obviously I mean a socially acceptable way of generating electricity. Merely forking them into a massive incinerator would be easy and direct, but would probably encounter opposition. I’m also unclear on the release of carbon dioxide from burning idiots. It’s probably better to put up massive multi-storey buildings full of bicycles linked to generators and make the idiots pedal. It will take idiots off the streets and give them something useful to do. When you think of the potential of idiots to breed more idiots it is definitely a renewable energy resource.
First one up for my new idiot treatment will be Boris Johnson. He’s reportedly going to resign as Prime Minister next year as he can’t manage on his £150,000 pa salary. That’s what he thinks. My plans for him are slightly different. He’s lied to us about Brexit, he’s lied and backstabbed his way to the top, he’s cultivated Dominic Cummings like some vile germ, he’s completely lost it when called on for Covid leadership and now, after having a go at being PM, he’s bored and he wants to go so he can jump on the lecture circuit.
A lifetime spent cycling so I can have cheap electricity seems a fitting end to the blonde buffoon after the mess he’s made of the country in his pursuit of personal gain, particularly if he had to exist on minimum wage. We could cuff him to the bike like a galley slave and make him pedal off his debt to society.
If I tell you that I’d use my cheap electricity to charge a cattle prod, can you guess where I’d shove it?
Things are pretty strange on this side of The Pond, as you know. It’s about to get weirder soon.
IT does seem quite strange when you are on the outside looking in.
Don’t you have to be able to string at least a few words together for the lecture circuit?
I believe that is optional for ex-Prime Ministers and Presidents. Theresa May has reputedly earned £1 million on the circuit since stepping down as PM and she is far from riveting. Boris also believes this and it is supposedly one of the reasons he wants to step down. All this could be untrue, but it makes a nice story and I want to believe it. 🙂
I certainly can! Perhaps Johnson would like a companion? I have just the candidate from across the pond.
🙂 😉 😉
Excellent diatribe, Simon. I very much enjoy reading your rants!
I aspire to repartee of this calibre. 🙂
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/01/26/gallows-pox/
🙂
What a first class rant that was. Unfortunately you would need a huge amount of idiots for your plan as even exceptional cyclists can only produce 500 watts and then not for very long. I am afraid that Johnson would hardly light a 100 watt bulb.
That’s the beauty of the plan – we do have a huge amount of idiots. However, I take your point about their limited output and the dim nature of the PM. Perhaps we need to go back to the original plan…
I think so.