I’m watching Family Fortunes. It’s comforting to know that although many species are threatened by extinction we still have a thriving population of idiots. If we could work out a way to generate electricity from them we would be in a really good position to stop depleting the world’s resources. Obviously I mean a socially acceptable way of generating electricity. Merely forking them into a massive incinerator would be easy and direct, but would probably encounter opposition. I’m also unclear on the release of carbon dioxide from burning idiots. It’s probably better to put up massive multi-storey buildings full of bicycles linked to generators and make the idiots pedal. It will take idiots off the streets and give them something useful to do. When you think of the potential of idiots to breed more idiots it is definitely a renewable energy resource.
First one up for my new idiot treatment will be Boris Johnson. He’s reportedly going to resign as Prime Minister next year as he can’t manage on his £150,000 pa salary. That’s what he thinks. My plans for him are slightly different. He’s lied to us about Brexit, he’s lied and backstabbed his way to the top, he’s cultivated Dominic Cummings like some vile germ, he’s completely lost it when called on for Covid leadership and now, after having a go at being PM, he’s bored and he wants to go so he can jump on the lecture circuit.
A lifetime spent cycling so I can have cheap electricity seems a fitting end to the blonde buffoon after the mess he’s made of the country in his pursuit of personal gain, particularly if he had to exist on minimum wage. We could cuff him to the bike like a galley slave and make him pedal off his debt to society.
If I tell you that I’d use my cheap electricity to charge a cattle prod, can you guess where I’d shove it?