Tag Archives: becoming my father

Biscuits, Butterflies and Being an Old Buffer

Gingerbread Men

Sorry, I’m becoming very irregular. It’s partly due to other writing, and partly due to still feeling very tired (I’m blaming it on possible COVID but it might just be my appallingly irregular habits).

I will refer to Roger McGough – The Way Things Are – for my explanation of this. He says it better, and more concisely than I can.

No, old people do not walk slowly/because they have plenty of/time.

The truth is, I am engaged in a race to write as much as possible before I degenerate into a bumbling old buffer (feel free to make up your own jokes here). By staying up late to write I (a) make it more likely that my fear of dementia will come true and (b) don’t really gain much anyway as being tired works against my ability to write.

A late butterfly

My Dad didn’t suffer much with his dementia. He referred to himself “going potty” a few times (as he tapped his head) and then threw himself into a life of playing dominoes and doing jigsaws with the strangers who came to visit him each day.  It wasn’t a bad life. It’s just that I don’t want to live it before I have become a famous poet, and I don’t want to upset Julia and my family by asking who they are when they come to visit.  Plus, I have at least one grandchild to teach bad habits and some family history to write before my memories fade.  When I was at my aunt’s funeral I realised I am now one of the few people left alive who attended her wedding.

And on that cheerful note, I will leave it today, as I have just had a text to ask if TESCO can deliver the shopping earlier than planned. Julia is still out so I need to leap into action.

 

Peppermint Creams – the finished article

Photos are from previous Octobers.

Hands, Haibun and Haggis

I had a shock this morning. As I waved to Julia after dropping her at work I realised I had my father’s hands on the ends of my arms. I have the same ageing skin, the same slightly bent fingers and the same way of holding my hand when I wave. I even have some brown spots, though mine are freckles rather than age-related.

It was a bit of a shock.

I once wrote a poem, my first published poem as an adult, about looking in my shaving mirror to see my father looking back. It wasn’t quite accurate (or “authentic”,  if you prefer), because I don’t, as you may have guessed from the beard, shave. And in those unguarded mirror moments I actually look a lot like my maternal grandfather who has handed down his distinctive head shape to me.

Eventually, I will probably write a poem about this. It will be much more complicated than the anecdote I have just related and will include angst and a word I can’t quite remember. I’ll remember it when I stop thinking about it. It’s like ambivalence. It might be ambiguous. Something along those lines anyway. Editors, it seems, like that sort of stuff, and I don’t have enough of it.

That reminds me, I have a haibun in Contemporary Haibun Online January Issue. I feel that it may be the last for some time, as one of the main magazines is closing and the chief editor, who has accepted several of my haibun, and offered editorial advice, is being replaced by a man who I do not get on with quite as well.

Time to work on my craft, and begin battering editors with my brilliance.

There were eighteen parcels to pack this morning including several with multiple content. We also bought in a pair of Great War medals and some sovereigns.

We turned down the tin of worthless coins and the stamp collection. It was plain that the owner of the coins thought they were worth a lot more than we did so we persuaded him to keep them as their interest outweighed their commercial value. The stamps, we were truthful about – the market for modern First Day Covers has been dreadful for years and we don’t buy them unless they are autographed or have a coin on them. Or they belonged to Freddie Mercury’s father.

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Falklands Crown 2014 mounted on postal cover and autographed by Sir Tom Courtenay

For tea, we will be having haggis. This time it is made with meat. I’m looking forwards to it, and to making veggie burgers with the leftover veg,

As a welcome coincidence, it begins with “H” and allows me to indulge my passion for alliterative titles.