Tonight I went to see my dentist. She is a nice woman and didn’t really deserve an after hours visit from a man moaning about governmental restrictions, estate agents and the fact that the so-called “checks” to prevent money laundering and international terrorism wouldn’t defeat many teenagers, let alone a would-be criminal mastermind. It’s hard to believe that Russian Oligarchs, Saudi Princes or African Politicians are short of suitable professionals to sign their ID documentation. Even if they were, it’s hard to believe that the Estate Agents and Lawyers of London would let a little thing like the law get in their way as they fought to get their hands on as much tainted money as possible.

I had an appointment to see her, in  case you are wondering, and didn’t just turn up waving a sheaf of papers. Her husband is one of our customers, so I’d set the appointment up earlier in the day.

Also, as Derrick has just highlighted an area needing more clarity, I was visiting to get my ID check signed, not about teeth. She is an excellent dentist but today’s call was over and above the call of duty. I can, when dealing with these solicitors, either take a picture on my phone and they will accept it. Or I can send copies signed by a reputable person. I don’t like technology and don’t actually see how a selfie proves anything, even accompanied by my driving license.

The accountants who handled my parents’ estate were set up to allow us to do it all securely online. The people handling my pension are considerate enough to send me paper copies of everything. The solicitors handling the house sale for Number One Son, expect me to have a printer and to produce sheet after sheet of print outs. You, of course, know how I run my life, and will not be surprised to learn that my printer is out of action.

I have used the printer at work (yes, I asked the owner . . .) for some of it, and one of the neighbours printed us off a sheet tonight, but I have just had to spend several hours breaking up a selection of PDFs to extract the bits I need – either as forms from the solicitor’s pack or copies of emails from the bank regarding the estate of my parents. Yes, they not only assume I’m a criminal or terrorist and then insult me with a series of security checks that would embarrass a toddler, but they make me re-live the deaths of my parents as I prove my sources of income.

Meanwhile, the company that does the on-line identity checks, the ones I refuse to do, tells me that electronic ID checks are the future and have been proven to be safer than paper systems. My reply to that would be that if teenagers can hack the Pentagon and FBI, how can you be so sure that your system is secure?