My Plan for Old Age

I see I managed to publish yesterday’s post without a title – sorry about that.

I’m giving serious thought to hibernation. It must be possible and, with plenty of insulation it will save on heating. As an added benefit, I should be able to lose a lot of weight if I don’t eat until spring. It becomes even more attractive as an idea when you realise I will be able to miss the news for four months. I know we have a new Prime Minister, I know she’s going to be brilliant (she’s already said so several times) and I don’t need to know more.

Yesterday I passed a man trimming roadside trees and ran over a piece of tree in the road. Ninety nine times out of a hundred this would not be a problem, but this time I managed to snag a piece, which rattled around under the car. At work, I wasn’t able to find it, feeling under the car with my walking stick, so had to put up with a dragging sound all the way home. Fortunately Julia was up to the task and extracted the offending cutting before we set off this morning. I’d be lost without her.

Have I ever told you about my plan for my social care? Basically it hinges around committing a crime and spending the last ten to fifteen years of my life in jail. They will provide bed and board, medical care, TV, a library and laundry facilities, and it won’t cost me a penny. To be honest, it can’t be any worse than life in an expensive care home.

The main problem is that I need to think of a crime which is serious enough to justify a long sentence, but which doesn’t require me to be kept in maximum security. It’s still in the initial planning stage, but I feel it has potential. I’m was thinking of piracy, but it’s more complicated than I thought, as it has to be outside UK territorial waters.ย  This brings me back to that world cruise I mentioned a few days ago.

The photo is a view of part of my desk. The full thing is just too cluttered . . .

13 thoughts on “My Plan for Old Age

  1. tootlepedal

    My whole day was nearly ruined by the lack of title in yesterday’s post but I was very brave and survived. In spite of what the popular press may say, I imagine that being inside an underfunded and dilapidated prison might not quite be the holiday camp that you imagine. And people do tend to shout at you a lot if films of prison life are anything to go by. I would stick to being nice to Julia of I was you.

  2. derrickjknight

    I like the hibernation idea but not that you would be out of circulation all winter, because we would miss you and Julia would have no-one to keep in order – however you do need to keep an eye on your circulation, although you wouldn’t circulate much while serving a long sentence for extended skullduggery, and you would have to try harder to earn one anyway…….


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