Lies, Damn Lies and Biographical Notes

Moving on from last night’s post, I have been asked for another biographical note. This is the one I currently use. It is about as interesting as I get.

Simon Wilson has been a poultry farmer, salesman, antiques dealer, gardener and instructor on a Care Farm He now works in a coin shop and wishes he had tried harder at school.

I did think of adding that I had farmed crocodiles on the Limpopo River, used to be a tour guide on the Trans-Siberian Railway and once played the banjolele for the Pogues on If I Should Fall from Grace with God . Unfortunately, much as I would love it to be true, it would be a pack of lies.

With hindsight I should have handled the whole identity/biography issue differently.

Zander Phoenix is an ex-special forces soldier and international man of mystery. He now lives on a farm in Surry where he writes poetry and breeds Oxford Sandy and Black pigs. If he showed you his face or revealed details of his past life he would have to kill you.

As long as I had done that before revealing my true self I think I could have got away with it. I particularly like the detail about the Sandy and Black pigs – a lesser liar would plump for Tamworths or Gloucester Old Spots.

Actually, all this has given me an idea. maybe I should enter the World’s Biggest Liar Competition. I love the stipulation in the rules that Politicians and Lawyers are barred from competing as it is only for amateurs.

Straw Bale Bowie Bear

I found the straw bear Bowie whilst searching 2017 for selfies. Bowie had several alter egos, just like I now have Zander Phoenix. I look younger in my 2017 selfies, but still believable, and reasonably well-groomed.

23 thoughts on “Lies, Damn Lies and Biographical Notes

  1. jodierichelle

    My picture is now similar to your second biography. False advertising for sure. I need someone to take my picture so I can update it.

    I loved the Pogues reference! Shane MacGowen and Sinead O’Connor singing “Haunted” is one of my favorite songS ever!

    Reply
    1. quercuscommunity Post author

      I will now have to search that song out and borrow a computer with sound. Two excellent singers, though not a duet I would ever have thought of.

      I can’t play an instrument, but I did drink a bit too much in my youth, so I’d fit in perfectly with the Pogues. 🙂

      Reply
  2. LA

    I’m guest blogging on another blog and the person asked me to write a bio…..why is 50 word bio harder than writing the 800 word blog

    Reply
  3. Lavinia Ross

    I like the line from the Wikipedia link, ” Politicians and lawyers are not allowed to enter the competition, because “they are judged to be too skilled at telling porkies”.

    Reply

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