I thought I’d try a random subject today, and the subject of swimming came up.
Unfortunately I know nothing about swimming, but if I ignore the prompt there’s no point in generating it.
I haven’t been swimming for around forty years, and unless I find myself on a sinking ship I have no intention of swimming again. It’s like skydiving – unless the aeroplane is on fire I’m not going to jump out of it.
I’ve probably forgotten how to swim by now anyway.
Even if I haven’t forgotten how to swim, and assuming I wanted some gentle exercise, I’m not going to expose myself to ridicule and the possibility of an attempted rescue by Greenpeace.
It’s also time to remove most of the swimming from the Olympics. In 2020 there will be 35 swimming events in the pool. If you are good at swimming you can easily end up with half a dozen medals. If you are good at riding a bike it will take a couple of Olympics to get that many. And if you are a rower it will take 16 years to get five medals.
Somehow it doesn’t seem fair.
Sir Steve Redgrave has five golds for rowing in five consecutive Olympics, and is only our fourth most successful Olympian – beaten by Sir Chris Hoy, Jason Kenny and Sir Bradley Wiggins. He had to win one every four years, and couldn’t have a bad day. The last three are all cyclists, in case you didn’t know. They won multiple medals for pedalling quickly round a track on something my mother used to use for going shopping on.
I’d be more impressed if they did their events with a basket on the and a load of shopping piled up in it. Rowers could also take a fishing rod.
So, to summarise. Swimming. Too many Olympic events. Cut them all back so athletes are operating on a level playing field. Redesign the cycling and rowing events, and introduce a pursuit category to the swimming.
It would be like a normal swimming event but just after the swimmers dive in…
…you release the shark.