If I ruled the World (2)

I’m back, and I’m ready to write a list of major improvements I would make to the world.

One, I would  launch a major research project into the causes of low intelligence, with the object of developing a vaccine against stupidity. This is a watered down version of my true feelings after sitting next to an idiot with a mobile phone and a demon-spawn toddler in the surgery waiting room.

Two, pass a law requiring that computers would allow you to write (2) instead of “Two” without all sorts of unintended paragraphing consequences.

Three, make it law that all doctors required to perform prostate tests were selected for their small hands rather than for their qualifications. Possibly they could be selected from families of concert pianists, who tend to have long thin fingers. I’ve never asked to see their credentials, but have strong views about their fingers. I’m also convinced that the people who take jobs like this aren’t the ones that came top of their class. Not a criticism, just an observation.

Four, I would encourage all current MPs to follow George Osborne‘s example and get a job outside politics. It would be nice to get them all jobs in the hospitality industry and see if they could organise a party in a brewery.

Five, replace health warnings with pictures. Don’t tell me something has a lot of fat in it, that means nothing. Even if it is in red. But show me a picture of a fat man clutching his chest and I might take notice.

I’ll leave it at 5 for tonight because I’m trying to design a kitchen knife that incorporates a sticking plaster dispenser. It’s a gap in the market I spotted whilst preparing vegetables tonight…


24 thoughts on “If I ruled the World (2)

  1. Edith Colon

    I have fun with, result in I found just what I was having a look for. You’ve ended my four day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

  2. theschoolofstupidology

    I like the vaccine thought. If only it were that simple! As someone who studies stupidity seriously, I can say with some certainty that actual intelligence is really, really hard to come by.

  3. beatingthebounds

    Made me chuckle did that, especially the last sentence. Good luck with the inventions.

  4. tootlepedal

    I can’t wait until you are really cross. This sounds like a gentle warm up. Don’t hold back so much next time.

    I’ll have one of the plaster dispensing knives too.

    Can I have some of the stupid vaccine too, I need it badly.

    1. quercuscommunity

      I have entered your requests into the system, well I would do if I had one.

      As for the level of crossness expect an escalation in three weeks time – overnight in hospital where they are going to remove my trousers and insert some tubes. That should increase my irritability…

  5. Lavinia Ross

    Does sound like a bad day was had over there. Over here, listening the daily national news is depressing. We’ve all gone down the rabbit hole on this side of the Big Pond, and its not looking good.

  6. Laurie Graves

    If you ever develop that vaccine, be sure to send it across the pond as our country is lousy with stupid people 😉

  7. clarepooley33

    I would appreciate the knife with a sticking plaster dispenser. Perhaps the dispenser could be adapted to use on kitchen scissors? I have a V-shaped cut on my finger.


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