Here, as promised, is the second part of my shopping story.

I ordered groceries from Whoosh, the instant delivery service from TESCO. It costs £5 and promises delivery within the hour. A normal home delivery from TESCO is around £3.50 so £5 isn’t too bad. Prices always seem a little higher than normal, and you can’t get a great range, but it’s adequate for what it is – a service for affluent young people and older people who can’t plan properly (like me).. It’s a bit like shopping against the clock, because they give you a time limit and the website isn’t the quickest thing to use – you can’t always find what you want and they keep interrupting with automated filling in of search terms, which is a nuisance and a time waster. All in all, I don’t like the system, but sometimes, like when you want to buy chocolates and cake to stop your wife passing judgement on your housekeeping skills, it’s useful.

Well, it would be if they delivered the right thing.

I knew there was a  problem when I opened the bag and found a lettuce on the top. Still, a random lettuce isn’t the end of the world. Then there was a bag of salad, organic bananas and free range eggs. And cat food and toothpaste for kids. And cheap jam tarts. As you know, I have got rid of the kids, don’t have a cat, distrust salad and think free range/organic is, in the main, a rip-off. That leaves me with cheap jam tarts. Why waste the money? They are all crumbs and thin layers of cheap jam. If I’m going to kill myself with fat and sugar (and I am, have no doubt about it) I’m going to do it in style. At least the milk was full fat and the strawberry jam was a good brand.

Anyway, I rang the helpline. They couldn’t help. What they could do was issue a refund (though it will take several days to show up) and tell me to keep the groceries. So I have £30 of free groceries. Fortunately I can use most of them, though I my have to buy a cat.

The header picture is just a stock cake picture in a story that does not actually involve Battenberg. Sorry about my low standards of journalism.