Tag Archives: winter sports

The Ideas Factory

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After a good night, much of which was passed actually asleep, I find that ideas are starting to fire up. It is, as I think I said a few posts ago, a case of the more ideas you have, the more you get. They aren’t always sensible, practical or even sane, but they are all ideas. I initially wanted to call my first idea Tommy II, a rock opera set in the Scottish Borders. However, there may be a conflict with the (currently) better known Who effort of the same name.

I then went for Recycled! as it would fit well with current Disney offerings and anything that increases the takings would be welcome. I’m in it for the cash rather than the artistry and the storytelling.

Barbie led to a worldwide shortage of pink paint, well Recycled! is going to do the same for tweed. Originally I thought of a finale which relied on friction between Gore-Tex fabric causing sparks (an idea which came from a trip my dad and I had in our winter bird-watching jackets along an undulating Fen road in a Morris Ital.  The Ital was famous for many things but interior space wasn’t one of them (or build quality, style or reliability, to be honest). We spent several miles with out sleeves audibly rubbing, and the image has stuck for almost 40 years.  I think that at the time I was about 30 and my dad about 58. I am significantly older now than he was then. There must be something about memory I can write, but it’s not quite clear at the moment.

 

Anyway, the finale with the fiery finish has been rewritten, as I can’t see tweed exploding into flames. It could, on the other hand, produce a comfortably nostalgic feeling that persists as millions of Hen Harriers descend on Scotland, after a long journey from a distant galaxy, and demand to see our Leader, who turns out to be the wife of our cycling hero. The final scene sees her being thanked for her efforts to establish the Hen Harrier Bridgehead while the fizzing of lasers and shouts of landowners in the distance indicate that the Hen Harriers are righting centuries of human wrongdoing . . .

It started as an original idea, though it does seem to have taken on definite qualities of Batteries Not Included as we get to the finale. That’s how ideas work.

However, my second main idea of the morning – Imaginerobics – may have more chance of success. You sit in your chair, you watch TV, you imagine yourself going down the luge track at Cortina, you feel the camber in the corners and the rattle of the rutted ice, and at the bottom you have had quite a workout. Same for the Curling and a variety of other sports. It sounds quite active. And when it’s over, you reach for the cup of tea and biscuits placed conveniently next to your elbow.

Poetry, you say? No, I’ve had no actual ideas for poetry, but that’s the thing about ideas, you can generate them, but you can’t control the ones you get.

 

A question to provoke more ideas – why don’t waterbirds get cold bottoms?

My Winter Sports Career

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Yesterday I briefly allowed myself to daydream an entire new life for myself as a Winter Olympian. I quite like Curling, I can use a brush and, as a married man, am accustomed to taking orders from a woman. The Mixed Doubles would be a good fit. Unfortunately, after looking at the state of the man in our mixed doubles team after all his brushing, I was unable to see myself surviving that much effort. It’s clearly an awful lot harder than it looks.

Then I watched the ski and snowboard events. I’m not even sure what the actually call them, but they are like going down a ski jump and doing skateboard tricks so high up they use a drone the film them. I initially thought the black marks on the screen were litter blowing across the slope when they started off, but it turned out to be the shadows of the drones. It’s all very strange.

SO that left Luge. I mean, you do it whilst lying down and the slope does the rest. How difficult can that be? The worst bit would surely be wearing those stripy skin-tight suits, wouldn’t it. Well it seems there’s a bit more to it than that. The 95mpg speeds are a bit off-putting and the inability to see the bends. It seems you have to memorise them. And be consistent. So quick, and consistent, with the ability to see thorough soles of your feet. Possibly not for me either.

So I sat at home, watched TV, made a few notes and felt much refreshed by the end of the day. I was even able to read some blogs, answer comments, write some poems and do emails. Not the most active of days, but a definite step back on the way to health.

 

What Does £32 Million Buy? (Part 1)

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The easy, topical answer, is that it buys a Winter Olympic team, along with 59 athletes, four medals and the material for some great film scripts.

A crowd-funded bobsleigh team, crashing skater and an ice dancer who came back from smashing a kneecap – it’s all there.

I’m not a great sportsman, as you may have guessed from my photos and various comments on size and sloth, but every four years I rotate through Olympics, Winter Olympics and Commonwealth Games. The kids make me watch a variety of World Championships, there’s the Rugby World Cup,the Rugby League World Cup and plenty of local news on skaters and kayakers who train in Nottingham. It’s hard not to get involved with all that around on TV.

Now, the question, as raised by National Treasure “Eddie the Eagle” Edwards, is, are we spending too much on Winter sports. We aren’t, it seems, a natural Winter Sport nation.

Unfortunately we aren’t naturally good at Summer Sports, cricket or football either.

So, where do I go from here?

I could go on to discuss sport, politics and the national mood, which always seems to improve when we do well.  It often improves when we lose too, as we all love an underdog and Elise Christie, though devoid of medals, has set an example of determination that’s a great example to the rest of us.

I could talk about sport and money. It’s a massive subject, and it has plenty to offer a cynic, particularly if, like me, you believe that the money would be better spent on developing better drugs programmes. If people want to run as fast as chemicals allow, let’s help them. I’m looking forward to the two minute mile.

However, for those who want to do it the old-fashioned way – hard work and dedication – I’d have a separate set of games. I’d also ban transgressors for life instead of handing them a short rest between games. Yes Justin Gatlin, I’m looking at you.

Finally, as we’ve sort of covered politics, cash and the cowardice of governing bodies, it might be a good time to mention James “Darkie” Peters. I’ll say no more. If you’re interested in the history of sport, apartheid and spineless administrators you will find it interesting.

In Part 2 I will look at what else you can buy with £32 million.