Sausage and Egg McMuffin. They know the secret to attract fat people. Why doesn’t someone reverse it?

A quick count indicates I have 17 Saturdays to work before I retire. I may  start a Saturday Series to mark their passing. Or, as usual, I may talk about starting a series and do nothing about it. Who can tell?

The irony is not lost on me. I started off with  Saturday job, I have ended up with one. Working Saturdays is one of those things that tells you success has eluded you.

Julia has just come down and offered me toast. I was going to leave, but the lure of toast is too strong, despite my commitment to losing weight. If I remove six slices of toast and marmalade from my diet each week, it is around 1,500 calories, which is a lot of calories. If I don’t remove them, I enjoy toast and marmalade, though some of it may be rushed and the rest may be spoiled by guilt. It’s a balancing act, but on Saturdays the toast tends to win.

My recommended daily calorie intake is 2,500 calories. If I want to lose a pound a week they recommend 2,100. Taking out the toast and marmalade and a few more tweaks (no more second sandwich for lunch) should do the trick.

It sounds so easy.

If only . . .

What these diets don’t include is the sitting at work feeling bored and eating that single sandwich for elevenses. What happens then? Dieting is about more than simply cutting back on food, or we would all do it.

In retirement I may concentrate on making meals from cardboard. That should do the trick – zero calories, no enjoyment, plenty of fibre and chewing. What more could you want? I suppose there must be more to it than that or we would all be doing it. On the other hand, having just had a bowl of bran flakes I am left with the impression that it would have been much the same if I’d just cut the packet into small squares and forced them down.

Other breakfasts are available, or not, in the case of the much missed Olympic Breakfast. Other waistlines, and coronaries, are also available.

Olympic Breakfast – much mourned