Last night, when I went to bed I took enough pills to rattle and enough spray to inflate a medium sized party balloon, I coughed and spluttered my way through the night, but at a much reduced level compared to many of my recent nights. Julia had applied hot water bottles to the bed, my breathing was improving (though far from acceptable), I have a doctor’s note for up to two weeks and, after discussing it with Julia over Christmas, I had definitely decided that I was going to retire in May rather than keep going until November. Although that decision comes at the cost of 6 months of wages, it also allows me to take some control of the direction of my life, work towards the house move and take things a little easier.
The earthworks and that stone is all that remains of Fotheringhay Castle – birthplace of Richard III
My current working situation is that I am squeezed into a small gap in a shop with a damp problem, where I use a faulty second-hand computer and an old camera which I provide myself. I work with two people who, though pleasant enough, have a number of increasingly irritating idiosyncrasies and I am, quite honestly running out of patience. I could go on, but I won’t.
I have been worrying about the decision to go in May as, despite our recent pay cut, I had agreed to stay until November. However, things change and decisions have to alter. After the pay cut, it felt like I had a slight vestige of control and, by going in May, was still in control of my destiny (even if illness was the main driver).
The Falcon and Fetterlock that tops the church.
All that changed just after 9.00 this morning when I had a phone call from the shop owner, during which it was suggested that I might like to leave in May, due to my increasing ill health. If I do this it seems it will also allow him to change his plans for the shop. I have no doubt that concern for my health has some part in the suggestion, but, being completely honest, know that the majority of the suggestion is based on financial motives.
It’s not a big thing, but did leave me feeling a bit flat. Having lost any vestige of control over my life, I sat down, drank tea and spent twelve hours reflecting on how my life has been a complete waste and I even lost effective control over the timing of my retirement.
As I photographed the church and castle I was surrounded by the song of the grasshoppers
I have been a great disappointment to myself over the years, and even in choosing the time of retirement, I have proved to be a failure.
However, I’ve learnt a few things in the last 66 years and will be using them to full effect as I try to fill retirement with as much as possible.
The pictures are selected from an old photo card I found filled away in a box on my desk (as I call the dining table where we haven’t dined for twenty years or more). Some I’ve used before, but I think some are new. The header picture is from one of the days the peacock from the village came to see the farm guineafowl.
Creaking gates, they tell us, hang the longest
Detail of old gate
Old gate, Northamptonshire
I can never resist an old gate . . .
Oh, Simon! How could anyone who writes such beautiful poetry and knows so much about and cares so much about the people who won the medals you know so much about (!) be a failure! I feel like kicking your boss in the shins for making you so unhappy. I am so pleased you are to retire in May! What a wonderful time of year to get your release! Hurry up and get better. xx
Thank you Clare. It won’t quite be a release, as I will need to organise the house move. However, it will be great to have six months to organise it, rather than have to rush it in time for Christmas. 🙂
The photographs are good enough to make your readers look forward to you having time under your own control, health permitting. I hope that your breathing does get better. Some dry weather might help.
It will come . . . 🙂
Ah stuff the shop owner. He clearly doesn’t deserve you anyway. Embrace retirement, it’ll be great. Come and visit Lincoln and I’ll shout you a coffee. We downsized about 2 years ago in preparation for retirement and it was a very good move all round.
Yes, time to embrace retirement and return to one of my previous enthusiasms – tea and cake. 🙂
Sorry you’re feeling like this, but I get it. Thinking of you for all your positives and wit
It’s the end of an era and the start of something new – I must employ those positiives! 🙂
👍👍👍
May you hang a very long time. Good decision
🙂 I intend obtaining and using a free bus pass, (if they still give them out.) Cambridge, Huntingdon, Northampton, Norwich . . .
It is always a challenge to move from one phase of life to another. However, now you will have time to focus on what you want to do rather than what your boss wants you to do. No small thing. A tremendous gift, actually. And remember, you are not your job. You are so much more than that.
That is true, what matters is that I move on positively.
First I need to start breathing properly – that will help. 🙂
Yes, yes!
Fortunately, every day is showing a little progress. 🙂
Of course
Retirement will be a whole new lease on life for you, Simon. And Paolsoren makes a good point. You have a lot going for you. Sometimes things don’t quite the way we plan, but it is the journey itself that counts. You came to a fork in the road, and you chose a new path. Happens to all of us from time to time. Make the best of it you can. You have a lot to offer.
🙂 I’ve already started planning. One door opens as another door closes . . .
Well Simon! A failure and a disappointment? We all feel like this at times. But anyone who finds the beauty in the old gates must have something going for them. What a story there must be in that old gate. And, what’s more I now know what a fetterlock is except for one thing; is a horse’s fetlock named for the fetterlock or is the fetterlock name for the fetlock?
Good question. The answer is yes and no. Fetlock seems to come from old German, and refers to a horse’s leg. Fetterlock seems to come from old English and refer to fetter and lock, though when I think of fetters I always assume they must lock. Then you get another couple of sites that say a fetterlock is a lock used to tether a horse by the leg. I’m guessing they come from two different sources then someone has tried to tidy things up because they sound so similar. Words are tricky things and internet sites are often unreliable.