Yesterday I upset a nice polite man who rang up to help me with my computer security. It seems my computer has been sending messages about errors to Microsoft and they rang me to help, as it seems a criminal gang were trying to gain control of the computer. This is obviously quite serious so when he offered his help, bearing in mind that Microsoft is a very reliable company, I was glad to accept it. First he asked me to switch on my computer, which was easy because it was already on.

Then he told me he would need to take control of my computer in order to perform his security checks.

“What, ” he asked, “do you have on your screen at the moment?”

“I’m not telling you.” I said.

“What you say?”

“I said I’m not going to tell you.”

At that point he switched from affability into abuse and slammed the phone down.

I really think Microsoft should review their recruiting procedures. That’s not the sort of thing you expect from them.

What? You don’t think it was a real Microsoft employee? You think someone may have rung up and lied to me? That’s disappointing, he seemed like such a nice young man. It would, however, account for his annoyance at wasting so much time on someone who refused to cooperate.

It just shows that you can never tell who is on the other end of the phone. Still, it helped pass a few minutes in an otherwise boring day and it was nice to think that I’d been able, by the magic of technology, to irritate someone from thousands of miles away.

I think next time I get a call like that I may well try a bit more acting, such as pretending that my computer is being slow to start up. It should help raise the caller’s hopes, as they begin to think they have rung a confused old man. Not only will it waste more time, but the irritation level will a little more elevated when I eventually spring the trap.

The pictures have absolutely nothing to do with the post. In fact, as I write, I have no clue what pictures I will use.

Squirrel on bird table (and fly on squirrel)