Cyclists and Sentient Kebabs

The morning started off in an interesting fashion when I rose early and did some reading/replying on WordPress. That got rid of over an hour and I suddenly realised I was going to be late for work.

The journey was made memorable by an idiot on a bicycle. As the lights changed to let us turn onto the ring road a cyclist whizzed across the front of the queue, ignoring the lights that told him to stop. He was nearly hit by the car in front of me as it started to move forward, wobbled, nearly hit a pedestrian and ran into a wall.

Starting off again he cycled straight across at the next junction, again defying the lights and not even pausing to check for traffic. Again, another car driver had to brake to avoid him.

I’m not sure whether he was an idiot, a potential suicide or a man with insurance fraud in mind.

Note that I say ‘idiot on a bicycle, because I am trying to avoid dehumanising him by use of the word ‘cyclist’. Have a look at this research for the reason why. And after reading it, ask yourself why you didn’t go into the world of academia where jobs and reputations are built from talking rubbish. Seems a lot easier than actually working for a living.

If you ever see the headline Scientist says Bloggers are Great Β you will know my academic career has started. Not quite as easy as being a ‘reality TV star’, as they call themselves.

Another plot for a novel has just come to me – a man, down on his luck, is sifting through the bins at the back of a kebab shop when he is struck by lightening. The meaty remnants in his hand are transmogrified into a person (of sorts) which goes on to find fame and fortune as a reality TV star. I’ll never get round to writing it so if anyone else wants to use it, feel free. You can fill in the rest of the details.

It lends itself to a cutting satire on modern celebrity culture, or a cookery book. Your choice.

At work I took photographs of more Edward VIII medallions and at home I found my spices have arrived via Amazon – Ras-el-Hanout and Harissa. For a Β moment, when I walked into the living room I thought I’d been transported to an oriental bazaar, but I soon came back to reality of drizzly Nottingham.


Ras-el-hanout and Harissa – it’s cheaper in plastic bags than little jars, but it means I’m going to be eating much more spicy food for some time to come


28 thoughts on “Cyclists and Sentient Kebabs

      1. Helen

        Mm, I am an academic but unfortunately there isn’t always money. There are some very bizarre rules…..

  1. tootlepedal

    I apologise on behalf of all the cyclists who have ever annoyed you. With a bit of luck we will all come to our senses, buy cars, add to the pollution and traffic jams. hasten climate change, break sped limits, drive slowly down the middle lane of motorways and generally make the world a better place.

    1. quercuscommunity

      Yes, I’m going to do that when I open the bags. We’ve given quite a lot of jars away recently and,,believe it or not, don’t have any spares (though the jam is very low so I may have one by Sunday.

      1. quercuscommunity

        That would be lovely, particularly with a nice chianti.

        I have a programme idea in mind where you drop off twenty four “celebrities” on a desert island with a camera, a crate of food and a blunt knife.

        That’s it.

        Two years later you go back and collect the camera.

  2. derrickjknight

    What about bikists’ (WP preferred bikini’s) acts of aggression? We see a fair few of those in the New Forest. Would you want acknowledgement for the plot idea?

    1. quercuscommunity

      A quick nod and an autograph when you win the Booker prize will do for me.

      I was careful to preserve a neutral stance on cyclists and am going to continue with this rather than risk the wrath of Tootlepedal. πŸ™‚

  3. charliecountryboy

    Love it but haven’t the Kardashians already used your plot for a novel?
    If a cricketer/runner/footballer/swimmer etc ride a bike have they then been dehumanised twice? πŸ˜‰

    1. quercuscommunity

      I really am not qualified to comment on the Kardashians. Along with rap music, Morris dancing and health foods they are a mystery to me, and likely to stay that way.

      As for runners…


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