Razors, Lies and Misadventures

Contrary to my gloomy predictions, I didn’t sever an ear, so mentions of van Gogh proved to be premature. However, I did spend several minutes trying to shave my head without producing much result. A moment’s thought revealed the cause for the lack of progress – I’d neglected to remove the clear plastic safety guard. Well, it’s a very small, clear plastic guard, and I was tired.

I’ve had a variety of problems with razors, apart from stupidity. The main one is theft.  Even the most respectable people seem prone to criminality when faced by a bag of razors.

I the early days of our marriage I used to employ a razor once every couple of months to tidy up the edges of my beard. I would return to it periodically and always find it clogged with dark hairs and congealed shaving foam. This was strange, as I always clean my razor after use and have never had dark hair.

Julia, who I will characterise as a dark-haired woman with beautifully smooth legs for the purposes of this story, always denied any knowledge of how this happened.

For the last twenty years I haven’t bothered with tidying the beard, but I have shaved my head from time to time. I would have shaved it more but I never seem to have a razor when I need one.

The normal scenario for that was that I would decide to shave my head and find no trace of my razors, despite buying a bag of razors and using only one or two.

Further enquiries, including interrogating Julia and the boys resulted in no useful information. Either my two smooth-cheeked sons and my smooth-legged wife were part of a web of deceit regarding the theft of my razors or, more likely,  a local cat burglar was targeting my razors.

Obviously this seems unlikely but, as Sherlock Holmes pointed out “When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

As a note for future generations, the car thermometer was reading 38.5 degrees C tonight on the way home. This is 101.3 degrees F. Julia recorded the same temperature in the gardens. This is hot for the UK. I wonder if someone, reading this in twenty years, will laugh ironically at the thought of this being hot.

At least, with no hair and a drastically trimmed beard, I felt more comfortable than I have done on previous days.

28 thoughts on “Razors, Lies and Misadventures

    1. Helen

      That is exactly what I have come to this post to ask, as well. Bangor Pier looks too lovely not to comment on. And well behaved seagulls to boot!

      1. Helen

        Thank you for your consideration, Derrick. Anyway, I’ve emailed WP and hopefully they will get back soon with a solution.

    2. quercuscommunity

      I went through the settings after Tootlepedal pointed it out but couldn’t find anything to press. My general settings allow comments so I don’t know what I did to that one.

  1. Lavinia Ross

    Sorry I have been away for a while again, but that seems to be the nature of life this summer. I have read on several blogs about the heat wave over on your side of the pond. Our July has been dry, but cooler and cloudier. The real summer heat should arrive in August.

  2. Laurie Graves

    Perhaps you will have to resort to trickery and hide your razors. 😉 As for the heat…so terrible in so many place. 101 degrees is too hot, too hot. David Attenborough has observed that when it comes to the climate crisis, we can’t be radical enough. Along with voting for candidates who take the climate crisis seriously, I am trying to apply this to my own life. Not easy, and I fear I am not radical enough. But everyday I try.

    1. quercuscommunity

      Yes, trickery has its attractions. I’ve decided to vote green from now on, as they are the only ones taking it seriously. I’m also looking at my lifestyle to reduce my carbon footprint as we have become very complacent.

  3. tootlepedal

    You pose a very pertinent question. Since computing requires vast amounts of energy, perhaps blogging will have gone the way of diesel engines in twenty years time though.

    1. Helen

      I guess it depends in part on whether the powers that be are willing to use renewable energy sources for the internet. Would hate to give up blogging but it is surprisingly carbon-heavy!


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