A Gift from the NHS

This has truly been a week that keeps on giving. A curry, a nosebleed, new trousers and, finally, a booklet on bowel cancer from the NHS.

I think I’ve covered the curry and the new trousers. I’ve probably covered nosebleeds too, as I have several every year. I may have to have it seen to.

That just leaves the bowel cancer. I don’t really need the stress of being told I’m at risk of bowel cancer, as I’ve already had this pointed out a number of times. Nor do I need additional details on taking stool samples, reasons for false positives and how I’m at greater risk due to my weight.

I’m always at greater risk of things because I’m fat.

Greater risk of cancer, greater risk of heart disease, greater risk of running out of chocolate…

It’s possible I may be asked to do as many as four tests before they decide they need to have a look at my bowels.

That’s not a test, it’s a way of taking up more of my time than the NHS already does. Having fully explored the potential of one embarrassing orifice (see the posts from 12 months ago) they now want to shove a tube up another one.

It’s bad enough being 60 without all this.

I’m so annoyed that I can’t even begin to think of other things just now. This is a shame, as I have many other things to talk about.

If you are involved in the NHS I would just like to leave you with one thought – why not leave this sort of thing a month or two instead of diving in while I’m still getting used to being older than I would like.

Actually, two thoughts. You’ve never yet made me better when you’ve called me in for these age-related examinations – you’ve just added to the list of things that are wrong with me. I can do that myself thank you.




26 thoughts on “A Gift from the NHS

  1. jfwknifton

    They may well get paid a bonus for every person they can involve in preventative medicine. The whole of Nottingham is currently involved in a revamp of the prescription system to prevent waste. That is a kind of bonus for each practice as well.

  2. Laurie Graves

    Not just you! I actually have a phobia about doctors and hospitals. I do go for check-ups… eventually. Anyway, I do sympathize.

  3. Donnalee

    In theory the National Health is great. In practice, the one exploratory surgery I had on them while I lived there about 1990 messed me up physically for decades. Oh well–it kept them employed and maybe taught them a bit of what not to do to the next one!

      1. Donnalee

        I was really courteous to them when I said a curse, so that was self-discipline too. They put some burning horrible drug in the back of my hand to make me unconscious, and I said something like, “I don’t wish to sound rude, but that hurts like f***” and blacked out. When I woke it was worse since they’d already been at me then. I didn’t bother with curses then though.

      2. quercuscommunity

        That was similar to my experience back in the early 80’s. Twenty years later I had surgery to correct the problems caused by the earlier surgery. It didn’t work. But it did teach me the benefits of stoicism. 🙂

      3. Donnalee

        All it took was me being technically dead two or three times, and getting to be a lot older, and I turned into a wimp. I’m no Cohen the Barbarian a la Terry Pratchett, although I am trying. there is a group here that fights with live steel, like we used to in the Uk, and I may check them out soon. They may be a little too crazy for me, but may be just the ticket–they use real swords to hack through bamboo or similar woods, to simulate battle…

      4. Donnalee

        The few times I did it, it really was just like either watching the same tv show from a different angle (viz, on the actual ceiling), or just sort of the whole white light interesting thing. It did make me a little worried about how fun it might be for the big finale when I actually stay over there–the first way was Not Pleasant, and the second was delightful. I guess it’s good to try new things…

Leave a Reply