Ideas (Part 1)

By the time I’d finished my frittering yesterday I had twenty minutes to post before midnight. At that point I decided that it was time to take a more relaxed attitude.

I’ve become adept at knocking out a quick post over the last year or so in order to maintain a record of daily posting. The post is the easy bit – adding photos and tags is what seems to take time. You can meet the deadline despite this, simply post before midnight then edit to add all the other bits after midnight.

At the moment I have photographs with no words, words with no photographs and ideas with no words or photographs. For the sake of symmetry, I really should add that I have words and photographs with no idea, but I don’t. One thing I’m not short of is ideas.

They say that the most frightening thing in the army is a new officer with a map, and I can see this being true. In civilian life the most frightening thing I know is a committee member with an idea, or even worse, several ideas. I was at a committee meeting on the farm once when a new member announced “I don’t do things, I see my role as being more about having ideas. I could probably write a list of fifty ideas now.”

The ironic thing, as anyone who has ever served on a committee will know, is that everyone has at least fifty ideas, but what you really want is people who will do things. If committee work was about sitting round having ideas we wouldn’t be permanently short of people on committees.

The phone has just rung. I should have left it but I am conditioned to answer telephones. Four rings later, as I am half-way there, it stops. This is more irritating than actually picking it up to find either the noise of a call centre or the inane scripted chatter of an operator.

So, idea number one – see if there’s a landline that offers call barring.

Two – go ex-directory.

Three – disconnect the phone.

Four – look into the Edgar Wallace plot device that allows you to kill someone via a telephone line. I can’t remember the story, but I do remember the ability. My grandfather often mentioned the story, so I assume this is a case of genetics.

Five – see if it’s possible to set it to stun or sting, as killing someone for being irritating is a little harsh.

Six – look up You Tube footage of sturgeon. I saw some on TV and at the Garden Centre yesterday. There must be a celestial purpose to it. I like sturgeon.

Seven – remember that the irritating Scotswoman is called Sturgeon. Nicola Salmon is just a figment of my imagination.

Eight – and remember Salmond, Alex Salmond. See above.

Nine – look into careers that offer fame, fees for speeches and generous expenses.

Ten – look into careers where you can promise much and get away with delivering nothing.

ElevenΒ – find address for Liberal Democrat Party.

Twelve –

Is that the time already? Better get ready – I have an appointment to be stabbed in the arm in half an hour.

Twelve – develop a better blood test. Preferably one that involves no stabbing.

Thirteen – develop a blood test that uses a mobile phone app.

Fourteen – check what a “mobile phone app” is. I’ve heard people talk about them but I really have no idea…

24 thoughts on “Ideas (Part 1)

  1. Helen

    I got my first PPI call the other day, so seems I’ve got off lightly. However, talking of mobile phones, they do mean you can get unsolicited texts as well.

    I had no idea what mobile apps were till I ventured into the world of smartphones. They basically mean you don’t need to find a site using a URL but instead press an icon on the screen. For example, I have a WordPress app, which I am working in now. I’m permanently logged in as well, so it’s very convenient for access, responding to comments (notifications available in real time) and such like. The downside is that with so much data in the app (posts, especially with the photos, and comments), the app does take up quite a bit of my phone’s memory.

  2. arlingwoman

    Like Jan, I have caller ID, which helps immensely. As for the sturgeon, I had read about ‘Pig Nose’ who no doubt has a much better name than that in the watery deep with its fish friends. I would like to see one of those things–like seeing a T.Rex…

  3. The Snail of Happiness

    Caller ID… I just ignore the ones I don’t have names associated with… this means I may be missing out on PPI compensation or a bargain when it comes to new double glazing, or a free boiler/insulation, but I’ll probably survive. Also phone by computer helps.

  4. derrickjknight

    What a good idea about posting before midnight and editing afterwards. Unfortunately I can’t stay up that late. I agree, it’s the photos that take the time. Have I ever told you how I deal with scam calls?

      1. derrickjknight

        The idea is to waste as much of their time as possible. I put on an Alf Garnett in his dotage persona. As they are usually in India I punctuate well with ‘innit? It takes ages to turn on the PC; I usually drop the mouse; and generally don’t recognise any terms or where any symbols are. When it gets to the point where the alleged BT staff want me to let them in I ask them where their office is, then let them know the address they give me doesn’t exist. That’s the point and which they hang up, sometimes calling me a fucking idiot.

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