There are a number of definitions of the word expert and none of the ones I recall cast much credit upon the possessor of the title.
- An ex is a has been and a spert (sic) is a drip under pressure.
- Any salesman who is more than 50 miles from the office.
- Someone who learns more and more about less and less until they know everything about nothing.
However, despite that I now find that I’ve suddenly become an expert.
It started last night. I’ve already said I’d do the apple pressing and more work with the trees but last night I was asked if I could help the farm apprentice to learn about them. It’s a bit like the blind leading the blind because my total knowledge of tree husbandry could be written on the back of an envelope. I was about to explain my lack of suitability for the task when I had a strange experience.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you hear the word “Yes.” and realise it’s your voice saying it?
Anyway, we now move forwards about 18 hours. It’s lunchtime on the day after the unfortunate “yes” . I’m researching tree husbandry and diseases of apple trees on Wikipedia when the phone rings. It’s someone asking for a member of staff who recently moved on and is working abroad. I explain this and the caller says she was looking for him to ask him to give a talk on Permaculture for Beginners.
“Could you do it?” she asks.
For the second time in 24 hours I hear a voice say “yes”…I do qualify it by saying “If you find anybody better I won’t be offended if you ring up and cancel me.”
“I won’t do that,” she says. “I’ve already tried everyone else.”