Tag Archives: butler

What would you do if you won the lottery?

Julia as Lifeguard – Britannia Pier, Great Yarmouth

It’s the prompt for today, and  therefore  a lazy choice of subject, but it’s a question that often arises in conversation. I was only saying to Julia last night that if i won the lottery I’d like to buy the bungalow next door and use it to house the domestic staff (cook/housekeeper, butler and maid) that I think we should have to make our lives easier.

Julia says that this is ridiculous and we can make do with a staff of two and answer our own door.She has a point, I suppose.

Long-Tailed Tits

The main point is that we have no desire to move house and no burning desire for a new expensive car. It would be nice to have the money in the bank to pay for a new electric car when the time comes that the VW becomes uneconomic to run. There’s little point buying  aflash car because I’d have to worry about it being damaged or stolen. I don’t have to worry about the VW, it’s already dinged in several places and is, honestly, not worth the trouble of stealing. It would, in some ways, be nice to have a van to carry my mobility scooter around, so that I didn’t need to use one of those fragile looking folding ones, but if the win was big enough I’d just have a sedan chair built and hire two bodybuilders to (literally) do the heavy lifting.

 

Meanwhile, I was actually discussing a subsidiary of this question with a friend last week. If you won the lottery would you carry on collecting? The fun in amassing a collection is, to a great extent, in the hunting for the best specimens in your price range. If you could afford anything you wanted, would it still be fun? It’s difficult to say, because I’ve never been in that position.

But let’s say it was still fun and you put together a collection worth several million. Do you lock it in the bank for safety, or do you spend a small fortune on security at home? Whatever you do, the fun diminishes. It’s a never-ending question, and one which, let’s face it, has changed over the years.

I watched a programme once where a lottery winner paid off the mortgages of his friends. He said they all stopped seeing him because they felt awkward and embarrassed. Winning the lottery is clearly more difficult than it looks.

Anyway, this morning I had cereal and toast and marmalade whilst chatting to Julia and watching birds on the feeders. I may not have won a lot of cash, but I have won in the lottery of life. The best bit about happiness is that the government can’t tax it, burglars can’t steal it doesn’t need to be stored in a special room.

Julia, Sutton-on-Sea

 

 

Schrodinger’s Lottery Ticket

I think the lack of exercise and exposure to fresh air and nature has had a negative effect on my frame of mind. At the risk of sounding pathetic, turning 62 didn’t exactly fill me with good cheer either.

Alexander the Great was 32 when he died, worn out by all that conquering. Napoleonwas 51 when he died and he had ruled Europe, though he ended up poisoned by his wallpaper. Philip Larkin was 63. I’m living on borrowed time and, last time I checked, have not yet achieved anything.

I still have a year to catch up with Larkin, so all is not lost – I could probably manage to become an alcoholic xenophobe, though I think the Queen’s Gold Medal for Poetry might elude me.

I don’t have time to bring the Persian Empire to its knees, particularly as we will be back at work soon and conquering worlds can’t be fitted into a couple of days a week. Nor, on the subject of knees, do I really have the energy to sort out Europe. That leaves the very slim chance of fame through poetry, but other than that it’s either win the Lottery or go on Love Island. The chances of winning the Lottery are 14 million to 1. Those are not good odds, but they are much better than my chances of winning Love Island.

I did actually have a lottery win last week (having started playing again during lockdown). I had an email telling me I had won a prize, but not telling me how much. The site was down so I couldn’t tell what I had won. When I went to bed I had a potential win of £10,000 a month for the next 30 years (or “the rest of my life” as I now think of it).

With that sort of money I could buy a bungalow in Suffolk (probably chosen for its proximity to a decent hospital and a first class chip shop) and have a butler.

It is a great feeling to go to bed knowing you might be waking up as a rich man. In some ways it’s like Schrodinger’s Cat, not knowing how rich I was until I woke up and switched the internet on.

So, day dawned. I snored my way through it – it’s so early at the moment. Eventually, after Julia had gone down and switched the kettle on, I peered round the duvet and decided it was time to check.

As I’m still typing this myself instead of dictating it to a secretary I’m sure you can guess how much I won. It was a fiver, which is enough for three more tickets. Yes, buying more tickets with your winnings – the mark of a true optimist.

This, of course, drives home a point about the value of money. In times gone by I would have written “in the South of France” after “secretary” in the last paragraph. Now, no matter how much money you have, you can’t outrun the virus. So is money really any use? Well, it would make life easier if I could send the butler to queue for groceries at TESCO…

butler 1